Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Pick-Up

My watch reads 2:23 as I pull into the half-empty parking lot of the local County Board of Developmental Disabilities. I’m early. I brace myself and, holding my breath, head into the building. Pick-ups are always nerve wracking. As I pass the office, the secretary calls out, “Hi Michelle!” I smile and return her greeting. She must sense my anxiety because she looks at me and says, “I didn’t hear anything today.” I heave a huge sigh of relief. “That’s great,” I say (and looking up silently whisper “Thank you”).

I make my way into the area that houses the classrooms and play areas. As I enter the play center, I am greeted by the sight of 14 little ones lined up in a neat little row dressed in their cute little hats and coats. They have just come in from playing outside and are waiting their turn at the drinking fountain. A quick glimpse tells me that, yes, this is Noah’s class. I scan the heads of the little ones, looking for that unmistakable red Lightning McQueen hat that Noah wears to school EVERY day, but I can’t seem to find it… first.

My eyes come to rest on Noah’s aide. She turns to her right, and there off to the side of the group, is my sweet little boy. I feel tears start to well up. He is standing alone, halfway into the speech therapist’s office,. He is staring fixatedly at the fluorescent light in the ceiling. He doesn’t even seem to notice that I have entered the room, but his little “friends” have. Almost in unison, cries of “Noah! Your mommy’s here! Noah!” rise up from the line of 3-year-olds. Still Noah doesn’t seem to notice. Finally, his aide kneels down and touches Noah on the shoulder. She speaks to him and after a few seconds he looks up. “Mama! You’re here!” he cries and comes running to me. I pick him up and squeeze him for all that I am worth. He pulls away, looks at me with those beautiful eyes and says, “I need to go home.” As new tears spring to my eyes, I reply “Okay, Noni. We’re going home.”

Sunday, March 7, 2010


Noah's sleeping. The house is quiet. I should be napping with him. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster ride. Up, down, around. In, out, and back again. Do I sound bitter, or what? And it really hasn't been that bad. It's just.....been.

Noah had two REALLY good weeks at school. We had two reports. Minor things really. Last week, he got the "quiet as a mouse" award. Huh? My kid? Big surprise there. On Thursday, less than 20 minutes after dropping him off at school, we got a call from the school nurse. "Noah has a fever of 100.2 and he's really whiny. He just wants to be held and rocked. Could you come get him?" She also went on to tell us how good he is about taking his medicine for her at lunch (he takes 3 meds at lunch). She said that if she is late getting there, he is waiting on her. Pretty cute, but pretty sad too. When I picked him up, he was grabbing his throat and saying his mouth hurt. He ran a fever of about 102 Thursday and Friday. On Friday night, his fever hit 104. Needless to say, we ended up in the ER. He has tonsillitis. Wonderful. He is doing better now. No fever yesterday or today. I'm just worried about all the antibiotics he has been on lately. Poor kid.

He has been on hiatus from PT and OT the last two weeks. Apparently he hit his limit of OT/PT visits for the year. His new year doesn't start until April 29th. I think we have everything worked out and he should be able to start back on Tuesday. It has been so sad to go to his speech appointments because we have to drive past his OT and PT building and Noah always cries and says, "I wanna go see Noelle. I want Noelle." He really loves his OT. He's even been asking about Miss Laurie, his PT. Can't wait to see his reaction when he sees Noelle again.

I know being sick and the change in routine and not feeling well is really getting to him. He is so cranky and irritable. He's been crying way more than usual and has been more aggressive toward himself and others. He's back to hitting himself or the dog or me when he is upset. He's also back to head-butting and head banging. I was so sure we had seen the last of those. I just want things to get back to our normal. I just want my little guy to be the happy kid I am used to having around.

We had a support group meeting on Monday. It was nice. I love those people. They are like a second family to me. This journey would be so much harder without the wonderful people that I have met online and through the support group, Thanks for being here.